I SHUT DOWN TODAY? REFLECTION MODE *__*

I shut down today. I just couldn't get it together. I started to feel very emotional this morning. Maybe because it was 4:30am and I was up looking at my walls; Thinking about my Sat and Sunday Path. Sat. was great, full of laughs and shared moments with others. Sunday was dreadful moments with my family.

I came home Sunday night and was drained. Not wanting to deal with much. Took a shower and seat in the living room wondering. Consumed with tiredness around 3am I headed to sleep, ready to face my Monday.

Then 4:30 am came around and in my zone of trying to sleep again and fight with heavy thoughts, I was up. around 7:30 am I finally got sleepy again and closed my eyes but I woke up around 9:30am and started to cry. My heart weighed very heavy and my spirit couldn't grab a grip of what was going on.


Shattered with emotions and body pain, I knew I didn't feel safe to travel today. I made a decision that bettered me at the moment. I sent my therapist an email note saying I wasn't going to make it today. No sorry no explanation no nothing. Just that I wasn't making it to session today.

I needed to "be still my heart" and dealing with changes of transportation today and the back and forth was not going to be what I needed to do today.

The more I look at my surroundings, the more I'm learning about "who I am." The more I lean towards what my heart and spirit doesn't desire the more "I suffer." 

I might be somewhat complicated right now and emotional to the max. But I'm going to embrace it all and really put thought into it.

I don't want to always do things by the book. I'm not perfect. 

• Maya Angelou said "I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it." 

Today is just one of those days for me.....have u ever been in reflection mode? Where u just analyze why certain people are in your life?