I SHUT DOWN TODAY? REFLECTION MODE *__*

I shut down today. I just couldn't get it together. I started to feel very emotional this morning. Maybe because it was 4:30am and I was up looking at my walls; Thinking about my Sat and Sunday Path. Sat. was great, full of laughs and shared moments with others. Sunday was dreadful moments with my family.

I came home Sunday night and was drained. Not wanting to deal with much. Took a shower and seat in the living room wondering. Consumed with tiredness around 3am I headed to sleep, ready to face my Monday.

Then 4:30 am came around and in my zone of trying to sleep again and fight with heavy thoughts, I was up. around 7:30 am I finally got sleepy again and closed my eyes but I woke up around 9:30am and started to cry. My heart weighed very heavy and my spirit couldn't grab a grip of what was going on.


Shattered with emotions and body pain, I knew I didn't feel safe to travel today. I made a decision that bettered me at the moment. I sent my therapist an email note saying I wasn't going to make it today. No sorry no explanation no nothing. Just that I wasn't making it to session today.

I needed to "be still my heart" and dealing with changes of transportation today and the back and forth was not going to be what I needed to do today.

The more I look at my surroundings, the more I'm learning about "who I am." The more I lean towards what my heart and spirit doesn't desire the more "I suffer." 

I might be somewhat complicated right now and emotional to the max. But I'm going to embrace it all and really put thought into it.

I don't want to always do things by the book. I'm not perfect. 

• Maya Angelou said "I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it." 

Today is just one of those days for me.....have u ever been in reflection mode? Where u just analyze why certain people are in your life?

ALL WOMEN SHOULD READ THIS…..AND MEN

THIS IS A POWERFUL STORY…..

 

As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I cant do for myself.

Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

 

She quickly corrected his thought and stated,

 

“I am not referring to money. ” I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life.”

 

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

 

She said “I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don’t need a simple minded man.

 

I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don’t need someone unequally yoked….believers mixed with non-believers is a recipe for disaster. And even if he is a believer, he needs to believe as I do.

 

I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don’t need a financial burden.

 

I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, and strong enough to keep me grounded when I do go through changes. I don’t need a man who is going to purposely bring me grief.

 

I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him and he must respect me.

 

I cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business or who is “messy” in his personal affairs. I have no problem being submissive..but he has to be worthy.

 

God made woman to be a help mate for man. I can’t help a man if he can’t help himself.

If he can’t help himself then he definitely can’t help me.

 

When she finished her spiel, she looked at him.

 

He sat there with a puzzled look on his face.

 

He said, “You are asking for a lot”.

 

“She replied, “I’M WORTH  A LOT.”

I'M IN LOVE WITH MY GODSON. HE HAS BECOME MY HOPE THAT FLOAT!

It's soo special to watch my baby grow into his own person. I love U Kaleb. When I'm around him my hope floats!

He gives me reasons to want to speak and live and just smile again. this is him @ seven months just sitting up watching and remembering all that is around him. 

This moment I had to smile because watching him, looking into his eyes lights my soul. His hands and little feet, his button nose and puffy cheeks. The way he watches me and glares at me when he thinks I'm not watching. His baby scent and the innocence of his soul.

I will always keep u in my heart and in my soul until my last breath. I love U my Kaleb. Madrina luvs U!

U inspire me to keep dreaming and living and loving and sharing. U are my heart of Gold and U will forever be my # 1 GodSon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michael Bolton - Can I Touch You There