DEEP THOUGHTS I HAD TODAY!

Hello U all... welcome to my inner thoughts of today. 

I had a lovely conversation with a dear person today. My reasons for living more now then ever has been made clear to her. She understands my today's and she understands my yesterday's.


I'm present in everything I do today. When I'm in a conversation with people, I'm present. When I'm writing, I'm present. And when I'm speaking, I'm present.


How many of you all have been in a deep conversation, and mentally have drifted away somewhere far; Have returned back to that moment hearing the person you are conversating with ask you "where the hell did u go?" "it seems u just daydreamed."

Guess what... You just disconnected briefly from that moment. Whatever the conversation was, you needed to disengage. 

For a large part of my life, up to a few months ago, I was doing just that. It's easy to leave the moment mentally and go some where safe mentally. I call it my safe zone. At least for me, it was my SAFE ZONE. The pain was less. Emotionally I just didn't want to deal with the present bullshit. And while the conversation accured or the gatherings with family and friends took place, I would disconnect, protect myself and be in my safe zone.

You Ask: WHY ARE YOU INFORMING US "THE READERS" OF THIS? 

Because I want you to see my heart of Gold and understand that as bruised and beat up as my heart has been, I managed to survive and live again.

I have stumbled and have falling hard. Not able to even get up. Not wanting to keep going. Just giving up on many things. And this was when I started to laugh and giggle and smile and shine.
When the tough was too hard, My heart beat stronger and my soul became powerful. 

Five and half years ago, I admitted being an alcoholic. I cried like never before. I seeked help and got clean. Two years and five months ago today I relapse, cried and seeked help again.

When you attend AA meetings, the first thing they teach you besides your name being attached to your problem, was... how to truly have Faith in a Higher Power.

Because without that Faith in your Higher Power... AA Meetings means shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yup I said... AA Meetings will mean shit if you don't have Faith in a Higher Power. So when I sought help the very first time, I cried and asked God to forgive me and help me. EVERYTHING ELSE FELL INTO PLACE. 

But don't forget, we will keep falling and stumbling and sometimes crashing but we MUST rise to the beat of your Higher Power's drum! We must not give in, except, ask for forgiveness, and reach for your Faith!

The punch line to all this. The message I'm trying to teach u is, No matter what U go through, at the end of it all, Your Faith is your saving Grace. Without it, You will be just a shell!

WELCOME TO MY INNER THOUGHTS OF TODAY.

ANY QUESTIONS??????????????????????  
  

 Cheddy/Meche

THE BEAT IN MY HEART

I laugh when I feel my thoughts are happy and when my spirit screams of Joy, I scream too.

I want to thank my Higher Power(God)for giving me Faith and Grace. I can't make it in this world of darkness without my Faith. 

My therapist once asked me "Do U have Hope today?" what was it that I replied? I just don't remember! She knows... and if for any reason she reads this today... she smiles because her memory reminds her of what it was that I said to that question.

But today I stand strong saying Yes... Hope Floats! oh it has because I have seen it and it does because I have felt it. 
My life is Hope and it Floats. I'm so blessed for the grace upon me that I have a need... a must... to pass it forward. I breath the need to want to share it loud and clear now.

I have learned finally after all the readings and writings I have done these past six years; I have learned to shower myself with God's blessed water. I'm putting grace, patients, and love in the water that I have cleaned and I add comfort and trust. Then I take it and I pour the water on my soul.

I then wait for the growth in me to take it's place and as it takes place, I become more and more beautiful each day. 

I am soo special and soo blessed. I am a soul of joy and  laughter, of understanding and commitment, of beauty and elegance. I am Me... a survivor of many obstacles.

All of this U read, I have giving to the universe and all of this U read, the universe has politely given back to me. And for this... I am thankful and grateful.

ASK, BELIEVE, RECEIVE

My Therapist(yes, my wonderful therapist)(hahaha :-) I actually teamed up with my doc so that I may learn to heal) told me about a year and a half ago to purchase this book. She was reading it and she thought it would help me understand my moment then and my moments NOW.

I READ THE BOOK. LOVED IT. READ IT AGAIN. LOVED IT. RECENTLY TOOK MYSELF TO THE MOVIES TO WATCH IT AND STARTED READING THE BOOK FOR THE THIRD TIME AGAIN.

Juice has the book now, she is reading it. this pic is courtesy of PRO-JUICE... thanks for the pic Juice!

I have some random special thoughts to share with u all. Don't stop reading... take this moment to check this out and maybe apply to your life. 

WHAT U THINK IS WHAT U GET!!!
3 things to remember: 
thoughts
become
famous
IMAGINE WHAT U REALLY WANT!!!

FAITH IN WHO U ARE WILL CHANGE WHAT U THINK!!!
3 things to work on:
ASK---> what u want
BELIEVE---> what u want
RECEIVE---> taste the fruits of your faith

Place your order into this Universe and rest it all in the hands of your faithful teacher. For most its God or a Higher Power. Allow it to be nurtured by Visualizing it as if it's now and not later. 

Feed your Universe positive power. and It will return to you positive outcomes. 

VISUALIZE TO MATERIALIZE. I CAN, I HAVE, I WILL AND IT'S NOW!!!  

• WEALTH IS A MINDSET!
• FEEL THE POSITIVE FAITH IN CHANGE!
• IF U GO IN THE MIND U WILL GO IN THE BODY!

DON'T SECOND GUESS !

Control your feelings.
Remember: your thoughts cause your feelings; So if your thoughts are all Bad Vibes then your feelings will be overwhelmed and controlled by those Bad Vibes.

If you Celebrate good feelings then your thoughts will simply be controlled by great feelings. 

AGAIN:REMEMBER TO
CONTROL YOUR FEELINGS!

Share with me your thoughts... place your comments. I would love to know what u all think of this.

I SHUT DOWN TODAY? REFLECTION MODE *__*

I shut down today. I just couldn't get it together. I started to feel very emotional this morning. Maybe because it was 4:30am and I was up looking at my walls; Thinking about my Sat and Sunday Path. Sat. was great, full of laughs and shared moments with others. Sunday was dreadful moments with my family.

I came home Sunday night and was drained. Not wanting to deal with much. Took a shower and seat in the living room wondering. Consumed with tiredness around 3am I headed to sleep, ready to face my Monday.

Then 4:30 am came around and in my zone of trying to sleep again and fight with heavy thoughts, I was up. around 7:30 am I finally got sleepy again and closed my eyes but I woke up around 9:30am and started to cry. My heart weighed very heavy and my spirit couldn't grab a grip of what was going on.


Shattered with emotions and body pain, I knew I didn't feel safe to travel today. I made a decision that bettered me at the moment. I sent my therapist an email note saying I wasn't going to make it today. No sorry no explanation no nothing. Just that I wasn't making it to session today.

I needed to "be still my heart" and dealing with changes of transportation today and the back and forth was not going to be what I needed to do today.

The more I look at my surroundings, the more I'm learning about "who I am." The more I lean towards what my heart and spirit doesn't desire the more "I suffer." 

I might be somewhat complicated right now and emotional to the max. But I'm going to embrace it all and really put thought into it.

I don't want to always do things by the book. I'm not perfect. 

• Maya Angelou said "I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it." 

Today is just one of those days for me.....have u ever been in reflection mode? Where u just analyze why certain people are in your life?