Hello U all... welcome to my inner thoughts of today.
I had a lovely conversation with a dear person today. My reasons for living more now then ever has been made clear to her. She understands my today's and she understands my yesterday's.
I'm present in everything I do today. When I'm in a conversation with people, I'm present. When I'm writing, I'm present. And when I'm speaking, I'm present.
How many of you all have been in a deep conversation, and mentally have drifted away somewhere far; Have returned back to that moment hearing the person you are conversating with ask you "where the hell did u go?" "it seems u just daydreamed."
Guess what... You just disconnected briefly from that moment. Whatever the conversation was, you needed to disengage.
For a large part of my life, up to a few months ago, I was doing just that. It's easy to leave the moment mentally and go some where safe mentally. I call it my safe zone. At least for me, it was my SAFE ZONE. The pain was less. Emotionally I just didn't want to deal with the present bullshit. And while the conversation accured or the gatherings with family and friends took place, I would disconnect, protect myself and be in my safe zone.
You Ask: WHY ARE YOU INFORMING US "THE READERS" OF THIS?
Because I want you to see my heart of Gold and understand that as bruised and beat up as my heart has been, I managed to survive and live again.
I have stumbled and have falling hard. Not able to even get up. Not wanting to keep going. Just giving up on many things. And this was when I started to laugh and giggle and smile and shine.
When the tough was too hard, My heart beat stronger and my soul became powerful.
Five and half years ago, I admitted being an alcoholic. I cried like never before. I seeked help and got clean. Two years and five months ago today I relapse, cried and seeked help again.
When you attend AA meetings, the first thing they teach you besides your name being attached to your problem, was... how to truly have Faith in a Higher Power.
Because without that Faith in your Higher Power... AA Meetings means shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yup I said... AA Meetings will mean shit if you don't have Faith in a Higher Power. So when I sought help the very first time, I cried and asked God to forgive me and help me. EVERYTHING ELSE FELL INTO PLACE.
But don't forget, we will keep falling and stumbling and sometimes crashing but we MUST rise to the beat of your Higher Power's drum! We must not give in, except, ask for forgiveness, and reach for your Faith!
The punch line to all this. The message I'm trying to teach u is, No matter what U go through, at the end of it all, Your Faith is your saving Grace. Without it, You will be just a shell!
WELCOME TO MY INNER THOUGHTS OF TODAY.
ANY QUESTIONS??????????????????????
Cheddy/Meche
